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12 May 2008 @ 10:58 pm
Fic: Domestic Goddess (Gwen/Rhys)  
Title: Domestic Goddess
Author: Doyle
Characters: Gwen/Rhys, Ianto
Rating: PG
Notes: For prettyquotable for the Gwen ficathon: request was ‘Gwen/Rhys post-wedding. Gwen tries to cook lasagna for Rhys but fails miserably.’
Summary: Cooking, in theory, sounds simpler than crazed shapeshifting vampire aliens. In theory.

“Hello, duckling! You got back all right, then?”

Gwen could hear her dad turn down the TV, cutting off Chris Tarrant in the middle of telling someone he didn’t want to give them that. “I’ll ring back when your programmes are finished,” she offered.

“Only a load of rubbish anyway. I can watch that any night of the week, can’t I?”

And he couldn’t speak to her any night of the week... Gwen bit her lip, remembering all the phone messages she’d forgotten to return, all the weekends when she’d meant to go out to Swansea with Rhys.

“How was the honeymoon?”

“Lovely,” she said brightly. “Sun every day. Gorgeous hotel. Rhys almost got swept out to sea parasailing, but we got him back safe in the end.”

“Well, you can’t ask for much more than that,” her dad said wisely. “It was a very nice wedding, love,” he added. He sounded as if he wasn’t quite sure this was true, but if she knew her mother at all, the wedding she’d made up in her head would have been just as detailed as the real thing, with far less aliens. Dad wouldn’t dare admit he couldn’t half remember it for fear of his life.

“I’m picking up the pictures in the morning, I’ll bring them round some weekend.” Tosh’s best Photoshops. Gwen hoped she’d managed to put in her mother and Brenda giving each other the evil eye.

“Your mam’ll be pleased. She’s out at one of her women’s meetings with your Auntie Julia,” he said, with the comfortable ease of someone who had no idea what these meetings involved and never intended to ask.

“Oh. I forgot it was Thursday.” Gwen looked at the pile of ingredients on the counter, her heart sinking. “Dad, have you ever made lasagne?”

He sounded suddenly wary. “You’re not cooking, are you?”

“Me and Rhys had this silly bet. The loser had to make the tea our first night home.”

“What sort of a bet?”

She turned the packet of mince over to see if there were instructions on it. “We were seeing who could hold their breath the longest,” she said absently, and then turned as red as the pile of tomatoes.

“Ah, well,” her dad said, “you always did like swimming.”

Anyway, I’ve chased him off to Dafydd’s for a couple of hours, get him out from under my feet while I get everything nice and ready.” It couldn’t be that hard, she thought. She’d fought aliens, for heaven’s sake. She’d fought an alien on her wedding day, while hugely pregnant with its alien spawn. She looked at the pasta sheets and wished they could be as easily sorted.

“I don’t think you want to be bothered cooking, love. Can’t you get a nice takeaway in? Must be millions of takeaway places in Cardiff.”

“I did some cooking in school.”

“I remember, duckling.”

“And that was... all right...”

“...never dreamed of hearing such language from a domestic science teacher...”

“Well, I’d better go and make a start on this,” she said. “Love you both lots. I’ll come and see you soon, I promise.”

“Bye, Gwen love. I bet Rhys would love a Chinese. Have a think about it.”

She spent a few minutes in a staring contest with the tomatoes, before reaching for her bag and – rather guiltily, and for the first time in a week – cycling through to the Torchwood numbers.

Ianto took a long time to answer. “Gwen.”

“You’re not doing...” She looked up at the ceiling and decided she’d better reword that. “Not in the middle of anything, are you?”

“Not a thing.”

“I know Jack said I wasn’t to even ring in, but I promise it’s not about work.” She didn’t actually have any reason to believe that Ianto was any better at cooking than she was, but somehow in the last couple of months she’d absorbed the idea that he knew something about everything. “I’m making...” She jerked the phone away from her ear. “Ianto!”

“Still here, yes.”

“That was a shot!”

There was a pause.

“I’m watching a film,” Ianto said. An explosion boomed in the background. “It’s Die Hard.”

Someone shouted, “Ianto, get down!”

“Tosh’s never seen it before,” he said smoothly. “It’s got her a bit over-excited.”

“What the hell’s going on?” Gwen demanded.

“Passing you over to Tosh now. I think Jack’s about to do something unspeakable to the microwave.”

There were at least two more gunshots – and they were, she’d heard too many to mistake that sound – before Tosh said, “Hello, Gwen. Did you have a nice time?”

“Tosh, what’s wrong? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” she said, and Gwen thought that she might as well have added by the way, I’m lying. “Your photos are ready. There’s a lovely one of you and your dad.”

“Tosh,” she said, “would I be right in thinking there’s some sort of alien and Jack’s ordered the three of you not to let me get involved because I’m still on holiday?”

She could almost hear poor Tosh squirm. “I’d say that’s broadly true.”

“Well, sod Jack,” she said, already racing for her gun and her keys and slamming the flat door behind her. “Text me the address. I’m on my way.”

A few seconds later, she let herself back in and switched the oven off.


Rhys was puttering around the kitchen when she got back; she knew it was late, but she’d been hoping he’d lose track of time at Daf’s.

“I know,” she said, before he could speak. “I know I promised I wouldn’t get involved in anything bar the actual end of the world before the end of the holiday but they were in trouble, Rhys, and I’m sorry and I don’t want a row, but I couldn’t know that and do nothing.”

Rhys stopped wiping the counter and looked at her, and for a moment she couldn’t read him at all, this man she’d married. And then he broke into the smile she’d fallen in love with, all those years ago. “You were on the news,” he said. “Think it was you, anyway. Stuff blowing up on High Street?”

“Aliens taking over Marks and Spencers.”

Brilliant. I mean, so long as nobody was hurt,” he added, and she smiled and shook her head.

“Jack got thrown into Lingerie, but I think he probably enjoyed it.”

“We were watching all this, this special report about the explosions, everybody on telly running around like they didn’t know what was going on, and I thought: ‘my wife’ll sort that out.’”

She crossed the kitchen and wrapped her arms around him.

“You even tried cooking, you mad woman.”

“Brenda was dropping hints at the wedding about some ex-girlfriend of yours who’s got a Michelin star now.”

“She’s no good with aliens, though.”

“Oh, rubbish with aliens,” she said, and pulled him down to kiss him.

“Your dad rang, by the way,” Rhys said. “Something about getting a Chinese. Have I ever said how much I like your dad?”

“That place you like doesn’t stop delivering for hours,” Gwen pointed out, walking her fingers up his shirt buttons, “and I think you almost definitely cheated on that bet in the first place. Best two out of three?”
Annielunatic_the_7th on May 12th, 2008 10:54 pm (UTC)
Aww, this was too adorable. I'm so in love with Rhys, and Gwen's dad is cute.
Also love Ianto pretending to be watching a movie while there's alien fighting in the background, how him :P
Brenda Renetti: OM NOM NOMcrickwooder on May 12th, 2008 11:13 pm (UTC)
Gwen! And Rhys! *loves* Oh, I just want to give them both a big smooch for being so cute. This was fun!
The poster girl for squee! (...aka Cleo.): doctor who - ten/marthasilly_cleo on May 13th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
Awwww, how cute is this?! :D If you had told me at the end of S1 that I'd love Gwen/Rhys and Rhys as much as I do now I never would have believed you. Eee! They're adorable.
Quinn: Ianto smilequinn222 on May 13th, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
This was adorable.
Settiai: Gwen -- airelinsettiai on May 13th, 2008 12:53 am (UTC)
Okay, this was completely adorable. =)
gigletgiglet on May 13th, 2008 01:42 am (UTC)
Oh, I loved this!

“...never dreamed of hearing such language from a domestic science teacher...”

And this:
“We were watching all this, this special report about the explosions, everybody on telly running around like they didn’t know what was going on, and I thought: ‘my wife’ll sort that out.’”

I love Rhys, a lot.
Selena: Gwen by Cheesygirlselenak on May 13th, 2008 05:39 am (UTC)
Gwen and Rhys are love. As is this story!
chelseagirl on May 13th, 2008 10:59 am (UTC)
Adorable. Rhys = best husband ever!
t-bone, the disco spider: t; i want a rhysprettyquotable on May 13th, 2008 12:49 pm (UTC)
This was lovely and adorable and funny and so Gwen and Rhys. I love them and I really, really love this. Ianto on the phone was my favourite bit.

Thank you so much! :)
SheBit: Ianto Watchershebit on May 13th, 2008 12:51 pm (UTC)

Very sweet stuff between Gwen and Rhys.

And Ianto could definitely knock up a lasagna.
Mrs Darcy: Master - good by charmaxelisi on May 13th, 2008 03:10 pm (UTC)
This is so spot-on and perfect I want to marry it!
timeofchangetimeofchange on May 13th, 2008 05:18 pm (UTC)
Hello! Here you are in a new fandom, and writing wonderful fic. I love this story.
ofparsnip: [tw] gwenofparsnip on May 13th, 2008 09:26 pm (UTC)
Oh, this was really cute. :-D I love Gwen and Rhys.
Eledhwen: tw_weevilstorn_eledhwen on May 14th, 2008 08:18 pm (UTC)
Lovely! I love Gwen and Rhys too, and I also really enjoyed Ianto's little cameo here. Very Ianto. :)
Dira Sudis: Gwen - Smiledsudis on May 17th, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
Oh, this is awesome--very Gwen, every inch, from the attempt to cook right through calling Ianto for help and coming back in to turn the oven off! And this just made my heart skip:

“We were watching all this, this special report about the explosions, everybody on telly running around like they didn’t know what was going on, and I thought: ‘my wife’ll sort that out.’”

Because Rhys! And Gwen! I really hope it works out for those crazy kids. :)
Flurblewigflurblewig on May 25th, 2008 08:59 pm (UTC)
Ah, just fabulous. Totally adorable!
Gummo Bergman's "Silent Strawberries": TW - Bitchy Lesbiansmarginaliana on July 7th, 2008 01:51 am (UTC)
Oh, this is super charming! and I thought: ‘my wife’ll sort that out.’ - yay Rhys! And Ianto and Tosh trying very hard to keep Gwen out of it and failing so obviously. Love it.
kalikalichan on July 8th, 2008 07:36 am (UTC)
This story rocks so hard! I love Ianto trying to convince Gwen that they're all watching Die Hard. It's the little details (Jack getting thrown into lingerie!)...well, and the spectacularly great writing, and the note perfect voices that really make this story. Oh, and Gwen/Rhys. They are so cute!
Heather: dw-martha joneshjea on July 12th, 2008 02:33 pm (UTC)
The dialoague in this is perfect Just spot-on.

and I thought: ‘my wife’ll sort that out.’


Thanks for this!
Vera S.: Gwen in profile (b&w)verasteine on January 6th, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
The voices are all spot on, and this was hilariously funny. Thank you for sharing.
Aubrey: TW*G: Supergirlallfireburns on February 18th, 2009 12:23 pm (UTC)
Wonderful, and so cute. The bit in the middle, on the phone with Ianto and Tosh, had me laughing so hard I was in tears. And the ending and "my wife'll sort that out" - so sweet, and so Rhys.
screaming cardiac frenzy of berserk despair: stock // chaos theory (credit fluidic_icacchikocchi on March 1st, 2009 12:55 am (UTC)
Oh, this is wonderful - everything I love about Gwen and Rhys and Gwen-and-Rhys together. ♥ And Ianto's phone call was priceless, ahahaha! Well done. :D
crystalshard on April 4th, 2009 06:38 pm (UTC)
Awww, I love this. This is Gwen at her best, and I love how you've captured her personality.
Hello, yes, I am Briam: tw/dw-gwen&iantolionessvalenti on May 5th, 2009 09:15 pm (UTC)
This is brilliant. I had to stop reading because I was laughing so hard at Ianto telling Gwen they were watching a movie. I could hear it so easily, the dry tone, I just lost it. It was a fabulous piece for Gwen, and for Gwen/Rhys. How adorable are they? Fantastic.
Merlin Missy: Baby Ianto Coffeemtgat on February 10th, 2010 04:19 am (UTC)
LOL! Great job!
Worralslivii on July 11th, 2010 10:25 pm (UTC)
I somehow found this years ate, but it's perfect - such good voices, like all your fic. I'm not into TW but the lovely coziness of this with Gwen and her dad and Rhys - perfect. Made me smile. :)
Doyle: tw - gwen/rhysdoyle_sb4 on July 11th, 2010 10:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm not really that fannish about TW myself but I love these two rather a lot.